We have to THINK. We’re so quick to take a quote that we agree with and make it our banner without thinking it through all the way.
I wrote a blog post last week talking about how you have a unique voice and your perspective matters! I stand behind that. But there needs to be an added disclaimer: just because you have a unique perspective does not mean that you’re completely right and that everyone should listen to you and apply what you’re saying.
Our past experiences effect how we view life. Sometimes that’s unhealthy because through hurt we’ve accepted a distorted view of reality.
We need to hear your view, even the bad stuff, we need to see how past hurts affect people so that we can avoid hurting people like that in the future. However, we also need to get healthy. Because carrying around those past hurts and continuing to talk about them is making us ugly.
I sat across from someone recently and they told me point blank “being apart from a certain person would drive them crazy, because they wouldn’t know what the other person was doing and was afraid of being cheated on again.”
That person didn’t realize what had just come out of their mouth, how controlling it sounded.
That’s what happens when we get hurt. We’re afraid that pain will happen again so we vow to never allow history to repeat itself. In our fear we try and control those situations at any cost.
I encouraged that person that they needed to deal with that fear. I gently told them, you’re projecting your fear onto someone else and that’s not fair to them and it won’t lead to anything good in the future.
Wounds are scary. If you don’t get healing, those hurts turn into irrational fears. And irrational fears make you do crazy things. And crazy things alienate and wound those around you.
I was part of an organization for a short time, a few months, I laugh about it now because its so ridiculous. One of the leaders accused me of trying to take over the organization. I wasn’t. Right before I got there they had a really bad experience with a girl that they trusted that became devisive. I reminded this leader of her. So in his mind, his fear was that I was going to hurt him the way she had. That wasn’t fair to me. I ended up getting wounded in his fear, being accused of things that had nothing to do with me.
Bitterness is toxic, it causes us to view everything through a lens of hurt that is in the past. Our fear of being wounded again is pushing people away. I’m not disqualifying the very real hurts in our lives. But I’m lovingly suggesting that we deal with those wounds because it’s infected and starting to smell.