I was blessed to spend some time with friends over the spring break. People who have amazing testimonies of hearing from God and stepping out in faith and then share the glory of God’s miracles because of that.
Somewhere in this past 5 years I’ve gotten gun shy about hearing God’s voice and obeying. Fear and anxiety crept into my relationship with Him. So I didn’t want to hear anymore, because I was afraid that He was going to ask me to do something I didn’t want to do.
My view was skewed. What kind of father would only speak to me when he wanted me to do something. And where did I lose trust in God’s good character that everything He asks me to do or not to do is in my best interest. I stopped listening because I didn’t want to count the cost of following what He asked me to do.
I remember when I first got saved, I was working at a grocery store and on my break I told God, God I just want to be used by you right now! And I felt like He led me to a path behind the grocery store, so I went. And lo and behold, there was a lady leaning against a railing weeping.
I don’t know why I did it, but I did, I simply went up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t stop crying and didn’t look up. I began to pray for her quietly. She finally looked up and wiped away the tears. I offered her a drink from my water bottle. She had recently lost everything and was sleeping on a friends couch, and was there that day crying out to God that He would send her a sign that her prayers were heard. And there I was… asking God for an exciting adventure and He sent me to tangibly show a stranger to me that He heard her prayers too.
I’ve got a lot of stories of hearing the voice of God and obeying and crazy testimonies like that. I’ve also got some stories where I either heard wrong, or someone didn’t respond the way I thought they would. I think those stories are fewer, but unfortunately left a bigger stain on my psyche than the others.
We had gotten up early to catch the ferry to Molokai at the Lahina harbor in Maui. Jess and Hannah had gone into a coffee shop to get some morning coffee. I was sitting there thinking of the testimonies I had heard recently of my friends hearing God’s voice and obeying and trying to reconcile the fact that I was now afraid to hear God’s voice.
And in that moment I heard God speak. “Romans 8:14”
I got out my ipod and looked it up and read verse 14 and 15 and began to tear up.
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.”
When my view of God gets skewed, and I turn him into a task master who only speaks to me when He wants something done, I turn into a slave and live in fear.
When I remember that God is my daddy and I was adopted as His son, then love casts out that fear and I can live in absolute peace. Doing what He says flows from a place of knowing that I am loved by God, and knowing God’s character. It becomes an adventure again instead of obligation.
“Everything you ever want to do for God should be the natural overflow of intimacy with God.”
God let me not lose sight that you are my Father first. I’m sorry that I’ve put such a heavy emphasis on doing, subconsciously trying to earn what was freely given. I’m sorry that when I operate in that line of thinking that I enslave myself and become afraid. Help me to abide in your love. amen.
