Here’s a photo of my dad (Russ Baker) and my son at last year’s family reunion.
My parents just became great grandparents again, my niece just had her baby. Congrats!
In my last post I talked about what we look at shapes who we are. Or you could say it another way: “what you behold, you become.” I don’t remember where that quote is from but its’ a good one.
I don’t think I ever shared with you, but I was scared to death to be a dad. I specifically remember going on a guys camping trip before we were even trying to have kids, and laying on a picnic table looking at the night sky and tearing up because of how afraid I was to be a dad someday.
I think I felt the weighty responsibility of it, and I didn’t think I had what it took. The need to show up every day consistently. I know myself probably better than anyone and there are some days where it’s hard to show up. Being a dad has been a huge motivator to show up more consistently. I think I became a real adult once I had a child. There just isn’t an option to not show up.
Jess and I went to a free Tony Evans marriage conference in Kentucky once. One of my big takeaways was he said it’s not the woman’s job to raise the kids, its the dads. And he said that its mostly done from the dinner table.
I later bought his book Kingdom Man and listened to it on a road trip from (I think Tennessee?, maybe I was visiting Ohio) to go visit my friend Tim in Michigan.
I’ve since looked back through the book and can’t find the direct quote, but my big takeaway from it was this:
It’s a man’s job to protect, provide and guide.
I love the clarity on that. I remember different milestones growing up and wondering what it means to be a man? At the time I didn’t have such clear guidelines.
I recently taught a week in the Discipleship Training School here in Honolulu on relationships. I spent some time on family relationships. I taught that we get to choose what we focus on in our relationships. I think the devil would love to have us focus on the one bad day a parent had and twist it to become our story and our experience, instead of recognizing all the good days we had with our parents. Obviously there are people out there who had more bad days than good, but that wasn’t my experience.
So here’s three stories of how my dad protected me, provided for me, and guided me. It’s interesting I wrote a blog post back in 2016 on Fathers Day and outlined these three things without knowing the framework of protect, provide and guide. I think they all take a much deeper meaning now even more than 6 years ago because now I have children of my own.
Also you should tell your dad you appreciate them more than every 6 years
PROTECT: I was at an outdoor pool during the summer. I’m guessing I was late elementary school, early middle school? And a kid was roughhousing with me. I didn’t know the kid at all, but he thought that it’d be a fun game to attempt to drown me. I’m sure I was telling him to stop. And I’m sure I felt overwhelmed in the water. Then out of no where my dad appears, standing on the edge of the pool. I remember they weren’t near the side of the pool that I was on, so he had to have been aware enough of what was going on from a distance. I can tell he’s pissed. But his anger isn’t at me. He started yelling at the other kid. “I’ve been watching you all day do the same thing to other kids but not today and not to my son. You get off of him right now.” I remember the kid going limp and sliding off of me. It was like through my dad’s righteous anger he stilled the storm and brought peace to chaos. I remember being impressed with my dad that day. I had never seen him like that. I’ve since asked him about this and he has no recollection of this story. He was just doing what had to be done.
I’ve experienced dad rage now too. When my son was just able to stand a bigger kid intentionally shoved him and I watched my son’s head whip back from the impact. I didn’t know dad rage was a thing, I kept myself under control but I was boiling inside at this other kid. I sternly told this kid to NEVER push my son ever again.
PROVIDE: Between our move from NY to MD growing up my dad left his teaching job and worked at McDonalds and a toy store. I think there was a season where both jobs overlapped. Being 4 or 5 at the time I didn’t really understand it, but in hindsight it’s huge. My dad did what needed to be done in that season to provide for the family.
For a season recently I got a third job cleaning construction sites. I’m grateful that these are just seasons and that season is over. Part of provision is using those seasons wisely, making sure as you go out and work for extra income, that you decrease your spending too so the work has maximum impact. I think of my neighbor who is expecting their second child, every time I see him going to his side jobs I try to encourage him and thank him for providing for his family.
GUIDE: My dad has always championed my dreams. I remember when I turned 18 we went out to dinner and my dad asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him that I wanted to be a rock star. And he started dreaming with me and helping me plan. That rock star pursuit didn’t last long, but he wanted me to take a shot at it at least.
I’m grateful that my dad continues to champion my unconventional way of living. He recently spent some time on FaceTime just encouraging me how evident it is that what we’re doing is what we are created to do.
I’m doing my best to guide my son with our Baker Values. I had a proud dad moment when we visited a friends church for Christmas and they quoted the great commission and as my son heard it, he looked at me and said “Dad, that’s one of the Baker values!”
I appreciate you DAD. Thank you for protecting me, and providing for me, and guiding me. I’m going to do my best to make sure I do those things for my kids too.
– SON
There’s something about men and mornings. I’m writing this before the rest of my family gets up, I remember coming down to the kitchen every morning barely awake, and my dad would be eating his cereal and reading either popular science or the Bible to start his morning.
What are you grateful for about your dad? If you have the opportunity, I encourage you to tell him. If you are a dad, how are you working on protecting, providing for and guiding your children?
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